In The Shadow

Like my last blog, I've decided to write about things that are important to me currently. Hopefully you will understand what I write, and maybe also relate to it.

Sibling rivalry, everyone has it right? No, my sister and I aren't fighting over our parents attention or a turn at riding the bike. We're not even fighting. To the best of my knowledge these are my feelings only. You see, my sister has a dream. She dreams of playing soccer professionally and doing university in the US. It's not the nature of the dream that I envy, it's the fact that she has one and that she's chasing it. All I can say for myself is that I want to be a writer one day.

For a while I thought that I could make her dream my dream. That I could go to the US with her. But its not my dream, as much as I may wish that it was. It's hers and I can't live it with her. I've always seen my sister as the marker or benchmark of success, and I've never been able to match that. I've always been in her shadow. I've always been "Rebekah's brother."

Every so often I have a day when I feel like a failure, realize I have no dreams or goals, and wallow in self pity. A day when I compare myself to my sister even more than normal and feel like giving up. A day when I feel like I'm going to be mediocre all my life and no amount of anything can fix it. Then things get better for a bit, but never forever. It's a cycle I'm getting familiar with.

This christmas, all I want, is a dream. No flash presents or love or thought, although all that stuff would be good, I just want a dream. I guess my encouragement to you would be two-fold. If you have a dream; chase it. Wholeheartedly and without regret. And secondly, don't stop believing in your dream because living without a dream is no fun.