Time to Ponder

Over Christmas I had the opportunity to spend a few weeks away in what seemed like paradise. While I was there, I had lots of time to ponder my life and all that I was as a person.

I know throughout last year I had a tendency to look at others and wonder why I wasn't where they were or doing what they are doing in terms of how they practice their Christianity. I carried this comparison through everything I did; leadership, worship, service, work, study, sport and also through relationships with friends. I got so frustrated with how I felt because it didn't match up with what I knew of the bible and Christians or how my friends felt. I felt doomed to a fate of mediocrity; stuck doing something I felt completely out of my depth doing. In saying that, something that I discovered when I looked back upon my year was the amount of growing I have done, even though it felt like nothing was happening. This last year I've done things I've only ever dreamed of, taken massive steps forward, faced some giants and won and begun fighting the giants that still hold me down.

Another thing I thought lots about is my future. My career, whatever it is. For most of my recent memory I've been struggling to decide on what I want to do with my life. I've also had the desire to do something. I felt the need to accomplish something. To be able to say, "I did this." And you know, as much as I still want that, I don't want to rush into something I shouldn't have. I know one thing, and that is that I'm where I am for a reason. Although I don't like it sometimes, and I wish I could be doing something better I've come to realise that it will happen in His time. So until then I've just gotta do what I've been doing and things will happen.

Finally, the new year! A year of promise. On the horizon this year feels full of excitement. I'm looking forward to a few things that I believe will happen in this year. I can't wait. I just love the whole concept of the new year- new beginnings. But I don't think my year is about new beginnings, I think this year will be a year of continuation. Of bigger steps and greater tests. Should be fun. Here's hoping...