Lessons Learnt Atop A Mountain

It has been a crazy couple of days for me. Since last Thursday when everything started to unravel to now where it all seems back together again. When I say unravel I mean hate for every other human being on the planet. When I say unravel, I mean ready to do something I would most definitely regret for the rest of my life. When I say unravel, I mean I was ready to give it all away. I did not care. I wanted to live for me and everyone else could go get stuffed for all I care.

To be honest, I don't know why I was so angry with the world. Perhaps it stemmed from the bad report my auntie spoke over my life on Thursday night. True, it upset me. No one ever wants to hear that they're a failure at life, especially people who might just happen to believe it. But, I don't think it was the overarching reason. Or perhaps it all came from an unhealthy discontentedness with they way things are. Had it been building and building? Did people only just seem so stupid?

No matter what it was, it had me sitting in church condemned. There I was, sitting there listening, whilst my thoughts convicted me. My mind was screaming at me. "I don't care how much sense what your saying is making to me. I don't care! I'm not going to change. I don't want to do the christian thing. It won't make any difference." I even thought, "that kid can go to hell for all I care." So something was wrong, massively wrong. However, I still could not pinpoint what it was.

I've always had a thing for nature, so on Tuesday I went and climbed a mountain. A heap of people have said that I shouldn't have gone alone, but to be honest, that's the only way it would have happened. I needed to be alone; with God. I needed to sit atop that mountain 1170m up for an hour and a half and just marvel at all I could see. I didn't want one of my friends to ruin this for me. I had to go alone.

I now know exactly why God made mountains. He made them for his glory. He made them for adventurist types like me. Because their bigness reminds us humans that we're not all there is and that we aren't really as big and strong as we like to think. I learnt that the whole earth tells a story about God. A symphony singing praises. On top of that mountain I felt so small and fragile. One slip and I die. Whilst down below humans like ants busy themselves with life. But what of me?

One thing I had to consider was my influence. While I was up there, I had to think about how I was going as a leader. About whether I was a model that others would and/or should follow. Sure, I could fake it pretty well. But deep down, I was letting myself down. Despite, what was going on in my life, I have to make sure that I don't compromise the influence I have as part of a leadership team. So what do I need to change?

First thing is quite simple. Practice what you preach. I need to live out what I want others to live out in their lives. The main one is love. If I can't love someone like Jesus would, then how can I expect others to? This is a simple yet massive point. Obviously, you can't expect it to work like that. But somehow I did.

I think the second thing is to be real. Honestly, life sucks sometimes. Clearly, someone who hates everyone is not a picture of a happy person who is enjoying life. The whole time I felt like this, no one knew. I didn't tell anyone and I had a happy normal mask on. The "yeah good thanks" mask. Everything was not OK, but I acted like it was. If we are to be real with people, we have to ditch the masks.

Third thing that has to happen is the practice what other people preach. I don't know how many times, I have asked, "how do I live like that?" when I have heard messages about things like radical christian faith. Or, when I receive counsel from a leader above me. And I honestly want to live like that, but I never actually make the change required. Or take the step required. And so I stay where I am, discontent and unhappy with how things are. It's kind of silly when you think about it.

So what have I learnt in the last week? I have learnt that I can't do it by myself. I can't do it at all to be honest. I need help. I need God. That's the only way this thing is going to work. I don't have enough love to love those who need it. I need His. I have come to believe that Christianity is a doing word. I don't think its about being a christian, but what we do that makes us a christian. All my life I've been a christian, but I've done nothing. Time for that to change I fancy.